The Jersey Shore Awakens
Hoards, no, throngs of Catholics eagerly prepare to descend upon Atlantic City, NJ. They heard there has been a Catholic "awakening." The First Order of Camden consolidated their efforts last September to confuse Atlantic City Catholics, the handful who actually still attended weekly Mass, by combining three separate parishes into one, St. Monica. This week, the Catholic resistance has decided to reopen the doors of one of those closed churches, St. Michael's, to have Sunday Mass this summer.
Founded 113 years ago, St. Michael's, owned and operated by the good people of Atlantic City had remained open only for things some Catholics were willing to pay for: weddings, funerals, and other special events like celebrating Italian saints. Taking a calculated risk that vacationing resistance Catholics who are ready and willing to throw their money away on the local boardwalk, casinos, outpost cantinas, and competitive Monopoly games, would throw some in the basket as well, Rev. Thomas, Pastor reasoned, "10 am Mass on Sundays from Father's Day to Miss America weekend. That's it. After that, what do people have to do here? See Lucy the Elephant?"
Due to the nature of the Catholic resistance actions, St. Michael's will have to rely on retired priests like Fr. Lor San Tekka to celebrate Mass. Droids, who have been largely charged with the upkeep and maintenance of the historical Church, were interviewed for their perspective. One particularly forthcoming Catholic droid named PeaceBW/U informed Meant2Dad they are "betting their circuits" this awakening will rouse one long-slumbering Catholic droid who possesses the beach map to the long retired hermitage priest, Fr. Luke Skywalker. "Once we find Fr. Skywalker, we will be able to begin the New Order of Evangelization of Catholics in Atlantic City, then the Jersey Shore, and who knows, cities beyond," Rev. Thomas posited.
Who knows indeed? "It would help if the locals also showed up," Peace BW/U whined and shouted as we tried to leave. "I'm tired of polishing the terrazzo!"
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