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C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E, don't be a raptor~ 7QTF

  • Rj @Meant2Dad A Catholic Dad Blog
  • Aug 23, 2015
  • 5 min read

Yes, yes, I know. I'm late again for 7QTF... So sue me. No wait, don't. That would be most unfortunate. Sarcasm is lost in translation isn't it?


Seeing as I sometimes have a natural proclivity for a failure to communicate, I thought I'd try to give myself and other Catholic DADS and MOMS something we can all strive for together. Gooooo team! I fear that sometimes my failure isn't rooted in an intent to fail at this rather crucial integral piece of life, but my complete and utter lack of awareness of when I'm failing. Men, ohhh men. I'm pretty sure you've found yourself in that hot seat one time or another. Has anyone ever said to you, "Are you listening to me?" or quipped, "Why do I even bother telling you?" What about, "Let me write it down for ya..?"


So listen up MEN, because I'm about to throw down some communication advice I wish I'd implemented sooner.


~1~

Dudes, for the love of all things holy, PUT YOUR CELL PHONE DOWN. Ladies, you too. It's oh so easy to stay plugged in. You can FB, tweet, insta, snap, & pin what you're about to eat, say, or selfie later. My dad used to do this hysterical little comedy skit with us when my sister and I were kids. He had this goofy sock puppet. Looked something like this.


His famous line with his googly eyes and scrunched mouth? "LOOOOOOK into my eyes. Looook into my eyes." If we weren't he'd say, "You no looking! Look at me!"


Yes, that was funny. Always good for a few laughs even as we got a little older. Heck I may try it with my boys.


But the key to TIP #1 is look at the person you're talking to, and look at them when they're talking. Eye contact = earnest intent.

Eye contact = interested.

~2~

Going right along with making eye contact, is body language. Mind out of gutters guys, yes I know I know all the articles say we drift off into thoughts about those things every few seconds. But we don't. That's such a lie. A lie as big as that delicious, yummy, dripping with juice roast beef sandwich with hand cut fries, and OH MY, you weren't thinking about food? For shame....

If you're standing, are you leaning in slightly or slouching? If you're sitting are your arms crossed? Are you laying back, shifting your weight around frequently? Didn't your grandma ever teach you about proper posture?

Anyway, a slight move towards the talker while eye contact is locked = interest and I'm listening. A tempered while animated body language when you're talking = I believe in what I'm saying and you need to pay attention. There's a difference in writing yeah and YEAH! or even yeah? You body can convey those three states even without changing your tone that much. Do your granny proud, don't slouch. Well, unless you're at a coffee shop with your hunny, and the sofa practically eats you alive. Just don't take a selife and show grams. Sofas were all firm and posture enhancing in her day.

~3~ & ~4~

Awww shoot, Kelly Mantoan, is this allowed? "He's combining his quick takes." "Oh no he didn't!?!" I may be secretly making Jen Fulwiler cringe before her radio show if she read this. I'd like her to read it, so show it to her please, but don't point this out!


So, when's the Catholic coming in? Beart with me y'all on this combo. Here y'all go. PRAY & PRACTICE. BOOM. To the Holy Spirit. BAM! I feel like Emeril now. Mmmm, pasta... spicy marinara... Oh, right, this little Tip #3 & 4, I always need God and Steph's assistance with. In today's day and age we're all so go, go go, start over and go, go, go. Where's the time to refine? When's the best time to practice? Men, we have to practice. Every hello, every good bye, every I love you, every conversation you have, it's an opportunity to practice. I was not blessed with an abundance of patience and normally would like most communication to end as soon as possible. In my own communication style I often generate a whole bunch so no one can ask questions later, yet I look for the bullet point, condense, summarized, annotated answer. That's the lawyer and business person combo in me I guess.


So then I went and married a lawyer. "Dang!" you say. "Recipe for disaster!" you say. "HOW LONG ARE YOUR CONVERSATIONS? DO YOU TWO CALL IN A MEDIATOR?" No, nothing like that. In the end you have to just yield to this odd yet wonderful combination of faith and reason.


God sends us gifts of the Holy Spirit like wisdom, understanding, knowledge, and counsel to help develop our vritues. Remarkably, that combination should lead an uptick in the fruits of the Holy Spirit: charity, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, generosity, gentleness, faithfulness, modesty, self-control, chastity. I don't know about you, but I'd rather communicate from a place that bears those fruits rahter than their antithesis: hate, depression, impatience, thoughtlessness, anger, selfishness, harshness, infidelity, scandal, impropriety, and yeah more scandal.


So I'll work on my own advice here with. If you want help becoming a better communicator, pray about it and practice it.

~5~

Say, "I'm Sorry." It's easy but it's hard. Just do it when you're wrong. And when you do it, be cute. Just like this.

~6~

LISTEN. Good golly Miss Molly, we suck at listening as a species sometimes. I can't even bring myself to watch a news talk show or reality TV because I think the velociraptors in Jurassic World communicate better than us. They hunt better than us too.

See, raptors fail though. In the movies, when they get confused or their signals break down, they just go berserk, or do something insane like change allegiances, or revert to their instincts and lunge for the kill. Raptor = communicates, but the second listening stops, reverts to dominate and destroy. Don't be a communication raptor. Listen until your spouse is done. Listening should be instinctual, but should be guided always by your brain and heart that God provided.

~7~

Finally, communicate about happy things at least 10 times more than you communicate about challenging aspects of life, money, kids, job, etc. This is also hard to do or keep track of. Maybe there's an app for that now? Anyone? If you can click that Like button on Facebook at least 10 times more than you comment in disagreement on a post, you should be able to "click Like" in real life. 'Nuff said.

~RJ

Kevin Hart meme - (img credit. http://memegenerator.net/instance/55436082)

Sock puppet pic - http://www.calbuzz.com/wp-content/uploads/Sock_Puppet_3_small-249x300.jpg

Picard meme - (img. credit. http://memegenerator.net/instance/64066468)

Raptor meme I made myself. Original image from (http://jurassicpark.wikia.com/wiki/File:Raptor_squad_Blue_header_icon.jpg )

 
 
 

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