Oh, the Preggers Will Be...

So this Catholic dad was thinking today, very proudly, with a hint and slight notion of distributing my particluar brand of humor, saying out loud to Stephi, "Ya know hunny, at the end of this preggerness you'll have been pregnant for 3 years of your life! It's like a milestone!"

Pin...

Drop.

More like 6 seconds. Can I rephrase that in the form of a question?

What suddenly rushed into my mind was, "Awww, crap." And what I mean by aw crap is that I had created a rough morning earlier by waking up like Grumpy the Dwarf and proceeded in inserting foot in mouth about something else in my half-groggy, I don't want to meet the world today state, and it had been a rough long day for both of us.

Then I thought, hmmm, maybe I just reminded wifey that her body was not her own for 3 years, reminded her of how she probably did not feel sleek and sexy for those 3 years, reminded her that a third of that was spent puking her guts out scarfing Tums, reminded her that she had to work through it all in a highly stressful job, then mentally prepare to labor a fourth little boy out into the bright sunshiney world. At times, I multitask well, and was thinking this while looking at a newspaper. At times, I multitask fail, like tonight while thinking this, peering at the paper, and not paying attention to the request to please check to see if J-Man cleaned up his chocolate milk spill off the floor while she brushed the other two's teeth.

While I totally wish I had a Roomba and could make long-exposure light paintings with it in my spare time (cool huh?)

I failed. Not a move for the vac, not a move for the mop, nor paper towels. Nada. Completely didn't hear the request. Fail, fail, fail. What was I thinking? Where had my mind gone. For the life of me I couldn't even recall 6 seconds later what article I was reading. Then I said, oh don't say it, don't say it, "I didn't hear you!"

For the record, I did apologize then rushed over and checked the floor. Good job J-Man. He actually cleaned it up well. "It's fine, no milk!"

This being our fourth "Preggernancy," I feel like I need to completely humble myself in awe of my wifey's awesome Preggerness. I know so many struggle with trying to get where we are just once. For us, I feel like we've been blessed with the version of NFP where the body clock is perfectly trackable and traceable. Then our decision making boils down to a mutual glance, telepathically sharing the thought "baby?" and God's like here's the 2 lines for ya 30 days later. Stephi then just accepts the whole kit and kaboodle gracefully, happily, and calmly. I panic for a few minutes, go lay down, and begin to come down off the high thinking "Good grief I'mahalftomoveallthebedroomsaroundagain." I have a love/hate relationship with the bulkiness of that crib...

Hey, even though I may have a rough day, like today, I feel like good Catholic dad and hubby most times. I have a few pointers for other guys who may be looking forward to being a dad for the first time, and will share them with those experienced dads who have a few kids, just as many kids, or more.

ONE- You shall lose a good section of your bed.

Get used to it. Maybe you've seen this contraption they call a pillow? Wifey needs more room to get comfy and baby on the way is NEVER comfy. Plus, you need room for an extra pillow or two for her. And you need room for baby when baby gets hungry at night. Noises at night are also more abundant, moans, groans, the noise of constantly shifting positions...

TWO- Acknowledge and accept that there will be uncontrollable hormonal mood swings. It just happens. The hormones will waft through the air enticing your own male hormones to respond with some sort of male crazy. Wear a mask. Guys, her emotions are real no matter what. It doesn't matter what you think. This is a hard one, but understand that she believes she is having perfectly normal emotional responses at all times, and treat her as such. It's just slightly different, yet still real, they're,

THREE- She's going to have a whole bunch of cravings, don't question, just buy. Stephi wants CocoaPuffs? She gets the puffs! Wifey wants fat free catalina dressing for her salad? She gets the dressing. Yes we have even been known to bring bottles of dressing to a restaurant on date night stashed in her purse.

FOUR- Don't say anything about her eating food, her appearance, her emotions, etc. for 9 months. That is of course unless you're answering a direct question like, "Hunny do you think this outfit looks good on me?" and you answer sincerely, "Yes." Don't embellish, she won't believe you. Also copastetic are comments like, "Why, yes, you can get a new maternity shirt." Or, "I'm sorry."

FIVE- It's called nesting. It will happen. EVERY SINGLE PREGNANCY. You could have just renovated almost the whole house, like we did, less than a year ago, and still we need to make that list...

Most importantly, tell her how much you love her. Try to shift the % of who does what more closely to much higher % carried by man, because the % of importance of carrying the most important task for 9 months has shifted 100% to her, no pun intended.

#pregnant #Stephanie #JMan