MEANT2DAD (SQT) ~To Pew or Not to Pew?

Mass time...

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I know that I am not the first, nor will I be the last to craft a post on taking children to church. I tried to find an image where I could draw analogies about sinking ships, or kids misbehaving at Mass. Not a one struck my fancy. Then I found one that expressed exactly how we appear entering and leaving church:

Bahahahaha.... if only. This is more like it (albeit a slightly older picture). Amazing, I just noticed the baby carrier has reflective stripes. Wait, why would I walk outside with our baby in the dark?

I'm relatively certain many other bloggers have many thoughtful and miraculous ideas on how to succeed with multiple children at Mass. I personally like Josh and Stacey Noem's article on www.foryourmarriage.org, but, hey, I'm just an ordinary dad. I hereby devote the rest of my very first seven quick takes post to my own Six Simple Steps to Survive the Holy Horde, or SSSHH!

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Step 1 - Never go to Mass without your spouse. Notice I didn't say, "Never go alone." Because alone would be nice. Sometime... (drifting off into rather nice daydream filled with praise and worship and an awesome homily...) Alone would mean you get to listen to more than, "The Lord be with you." "And also with... hey, stop that. Put that back.."

Dads - seriously though, you have no idea how much your wife's presence impacts your kids at Church. I've tried the alternative when she was home sick in bed. Somehow she's managed when I was home sick in bed. After my experience I can only say Google or YouTube: Tasmanian devils fighting... When you have three or more children, make a plan, make it your priority. And don't ever let your wife get sick. ;)

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Step 2 - Be a little early, or at least on time. This is HARD. We do share the back of the Church with countless other little tikes some weeks. But early guarantees you a pew. A pew is your friend. It traps your children on two sides. (Until they realize they can climb on them.) With two parents, you normally can handle the two open sides. Pews have kneelers to amuse them during the Liturgy of the Eucharist. There are also hymnals, visitor envelopes, and missalettes, "Oh My!" These latter creatures are not your friends. Boo, our 5 year old, is becoming interested in words and songs and sometimes will sit quitely with book on lap. Yes! Squish, our 1 todd, makes it his personal mission to distribute visitor envelopes to everyone including the dust bunnies under the pews. We spend half the Mass picking them up or trying to replace books in the rack. Still, I'd pick the pew over the wide open back or "narthex" as the Church officially calls its entry vestibule. Trapped on 2 sides > free range.

Being on time for us is a challenge because our Mass begins at 8:30AM and we live 15 minutes away from our parish. The dressing process or as my boys affectionately call it, "It's Sunday? YOU MEAN I HAVE TO WEAR CHURCH CLOTHES?" Step 2 is our biggest struggle and challenge. Our other 6 days a week are so eye-blinking long that eking out a few extra minutes on our pillows on a Sunday morning is priceless. We will continue to strive. Lenten goal = pew.

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Step 3 - Never SSSHH your children. It doesn't work. It's like the magic utterance that invites disastrous decibel level increases. Know it's ok to quietly and briefly talk to your kids to refocus your childrens' energy and attention towards what's happening in the Mass. Dads, the little church ladies will be duly impressed when you bust out your redirecting tactics. You go up a few stars in their books. Oh yeah! Besides, have you heard that parent go SSSHH in the middle of Mass. Don't be THAT parent.

Some good redirects include the famous, "Where's Jesus?" or you can ask them any other various quick question. Some popular questions in this Dad's repetoire are: "Do you (want/think you'll be getting) a doughnut after Church?"; "Can you show me the behavior that earns you a candle lighting chance?"; "Are you singing along with me?"; "You know that fun thing you want to do today? Losing it in 3, 2, ..." JMan loves the candles, Boo fears for the doughnut, and Squish, well... "Where's Jesus?" Hooray for coffee and doughnuts every week!

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Step 4 - A tidbit of Jesus is still Jesus. A good priest friend of mine wisely told me once, "A parent with toddlers will only hear tidbits of Mass. God speaks through the tidbits." I don't think I need to expand. What you hear is what you'll need.

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Step 5 - Kindness is as kindness does. Sure, we may get "THE LOOK." We have all experienced the person two or three rows in front of you who glares back at you every other time your child utters a word. They may have never been you, or they may have forgotten what it was like. So as my gram and mom always used to say, "Kill 'em with kindness." Or as I like to think, "Kindness is as kindness does." For starters, smiling is infectious. Squish - two in front, one to the left, yep, no there the one with the blue shirt, yes! Tickle, smile, GO! A warm sign of peace from a little outstretched hand can melt the coldest of hearts. A cute, slightly zig-zagged march up to Communion with arms crossed can elicit a fond memory in anyone's mind. JMan rocks the house on this one. "Dada, is it time for cow-munion? All right!"

So teach your kids to always be kind in Church, and just teach them the very best you can, being clear on what you expect from them during Mass. Then hold them to it, but do not hold your children to the glarer's standard. Hold them to yours. The older they become, the higher the expectation rises. I try to remember that a child can't live up to an expectation that they don't expect.

In the end, people around you do appreciate your effort. We've received more adulation and stories of someone else's children who used to do the same thing, than glares. People in our parish genuinely like seeing kids at Mass. Kids can make the most boring morning, well, energizing. At the end of the day, we all have common ground, and by ground I mean not being on it, but bouncing back and forth between the pews at some point in our childhoods. (I do apologize in advance for I don't know who the person in this image is, and if his image or likeness happens to be a reader, family member or friend of said reader, my hearfelt wishes of children's laughter upon his heart.)

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Step 6 - Last but not least: Mass is family time. I don't know if many Catholics realize it, but the Catholic Church in Commandment, Catechism, and Canon Law, has two primary reasons for having us attend Mass each week. First of all, Jesus himself told us to do it, and He wants us to remember his death and Resurrection while celebrating Mass together. Dude... woh! It was the only thing out of the whole universe of ideas that He told us we HAD to do. He could have picked anything for us to remember. Maybe Jesus knew us guys would be like, "Dude, I can totally remember one prayer, and go to Mass. Got it." Simple. We like simple right? Out of every archaic rule in the book, or over any new love and mercy filled teaching, He chose to have us remember His sacrificial love for us, joining His worship for his Father in Heaven with our worship for him. Lent is a perfect time to remember that.

The second reason is the the Church wants us to rest and relax our minds and bodies. The Church realizes the importance of us having rest and having lesiure for cultivating our "familial, cultural, social, and religious lives." That's Catechism 2184. Basically, the Church is telling us to take the time every week to protest against the temptation to work or pursue money, instead rest and focus on Him. Basically, have faith and focus on your families, friends, & fun.

Kids get it. That's what they focus on. They'll pick up the Mass as they grow. For me, what better way than to spend an hour than with God and my family? I haven't always looked forward to it, in the way I do now. Going with my kids has become rather special to me. It's one thing that no one can take away from me, and I can rest on that.

#Mass #SevenQuickTakes #SQT #Catechism #Church